How to Jailbreak Pretty Much Everything

June 11, 2011 § 3 Comments

 You cannot jailbreak anything you want.  This is because science has not gotten very far.  Scientists, like the iEmperors, guard their territory – sometimes, with little plastic guns.

Today, you can set free only certain devices, like iThings and maybe your cat.  But within the realm of the jailbreakable, you can do it 100% of the time.

Because jailbreaking is awesome (and legal), there is no reason why we should not be able to jailbreak everything.  One day, there will be an app for that, too.  That is why it is important to make a humble list, to be ready for when the app-pocalypse comes.

A Humble List:

1. Airlines.

Today, flying the friendly skies means paying extra to travel with anything other than your human body, and maybe a toothbrush.  It also means you probably do not even want to do that, since the skies are getting a little too ‘friendly’ these days, anyway.  It will be worth it, however, when there is finally an app to regain full control over what passes as meals.

2. Your Boss.

The money app:  jailbreak your boss, and you can finally add things to your cubicle-life that otherwise the system would not allow.

I'll get you, my pretty...bus

3. Public Transportation

Beleaguered by budget cuts and infrastructures that were built around carbon emissions, public transportation does a lot less transporting these days.  The current “Where’s The Bus” app keeps you a passive subject with no real power.   That’s why you need to whip out your iThing and bring that bus to you.

4. Your Cat.

Cats are not known for their super-friendly customer service, but that is ok, because you can change all that:  all catnip, all the time.

A Humble Device

5. Copy/Fax Machines.

You do not actually need an app for this, just a baseball bat.  Which is more fun, anyway.

Watch the destruction!

6. Your Brain.

This would not be like evolving to a super-human, which is why this is A Humble List.  But JBing your brain would really increase your powers of reception.  Men do not just “not listen,” they really cannot hear you.

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You are currently reading How to Jailbreak Pretty Much Everything at Irreverent Guide to Life.



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